Two Canadian Moments

Last night one of my sons, myself and a friend were walking on the sidewalk along a tree-lined street when we came to a 4-way stop at precisely the same time as a car pulled up. We waited for the car to go through the intersection before crossing. The car didn’t move. We didn’t notice at first but, when we did, we waved to him to go, as we were in no hurry; he waved to us to cross, as he was probably in no hurry as well. We smiled and then waved to him to go; he waved to us to cross. We waved to him to go; he waved to us to cross. I don’t know for how long this went on. It was as if we were caught in a “Who’s More Polite?” contest, and damn if we were going to lose! We waved to him to go; he waited and finally drove through the intersection (probably cursing us under his breath). We then strolled across the intersection thinking nothing of it…

Then today I had to cross a street and, not wanting to go where the crosswalks were, which would have been out of my way, I decided to jay-walk. I started across just as a taxi on my side of the street started doing a U turn. The cab completed its turn and ended up facing the opposite direction just as I arrived in the middle of the road and was set to cross in front of him. I waved to him to continue; he waved to me to cross, I waved for him to continue, he waved….Are you detecting a pattern here?

I also don’t know how long this episode lasted either, but when it finally resolved itself, I started laughing outloud. Without any conversations happening, here's what the conversations sounded like:

You go,
No, you go.
Please, I insist, you go.
No no, I'm fine, you go. Please.
Thank you, but please, go ahead.
Thank you, thank you, but you must know by now that I’m Canadian and I am going to stand here forever until the glaciers melt and the seas rise and the sun burns out while I wait for you to go.
Yes, yes, that’s all well and good kind sir, but unfortunately I’m Canadian too, and as you arrived at this intersection before me it’s obvious that you must precede ahead of me and I will wait until the universe expires and all matter returns back into the great void from whence it came.

I have no qualifications for saying how much time Canadians spend being polite with each other, but whatever it is—trust me—it’s too much. Could you imagine how kick-ass this country could be if it’d just stop waiting to let the other guy go? Waiting can’t do much good for the Gross Domestic Product. I don’t know if waiting is tabulated into the measurement by Stats Canada, but it ought to be. GDP? Up here it stands for Great Deeds of Politeness, one after another, after another, after...Mostly I love it, but sometimes you gotta wonder…