Have a nice day...Canada-U.S. Hockey

Have A Nice Day
I’m staying at an upscale hotel in Manhattan. I’ve been getting a lot of “you have a great day, sir.” I don’t consider myself a “sir,” that’s a title reserved for the Paul MaCartneys and Sean Connery’s of the British Isles, and the weather has offered little more than a cold, grey rain. Still, what strikes me in this endless delivery of have a nice day and its variations—“you have yourself a great day sir, ” “make it a good one,” “have a terrific morning, sir”—is the earnestness behind them. The tone of voice is without a hint of irony or sarcasm, the look in the eye is direct and honest. Now I know it’s possible that everyone could simply be well-trained employees of the service industry and they’re all, in fact, worthy Oscar winners for conveying the belief that they really, REALLY want you to have a nice day, when they’re actually thinking “slip on the curb and get hit by a taxi, you f..in tourist,” but I don’t think that’s the case.

No, I think there’s something quintessentially American in this offering of wishes for your day. I don’t hear such earnestness in the Canadian service industry. A day is a day, and though we don’t at all wish each other ill, we don’t go out of the way to send out wishes that you exceed your daily allotted quotient of happiness and success either. Is it possible that the Americans, on the other hand, genuinely see each day as part of pursuing the dream of success? If you're staying with us in Manhattan, you’re obviously successful or you’re going to be successful or you’re planning to be successful, and in America, where everybody thinks you make your own success, of course we want you to have a remarkable day because, as Reagan liked to think, a rising tide lifts all boats, and if your ship comes in, our boat will benefit, my boat will benefit. Have a truly fantastic day, Sir, kick butt, bring home the bacon, hit it out of the park.


Canada-U.S Hockey
I drive down to the States the day Canada is going to play the U.S in hockey. I’m thinking how interesting it will be to watch the game on U.S. tv. I turn on NBC, who owns the right to broadcast the games and…NO game. It’s not on! The single biggest event of the Olympics so far, say Canadians, doesn’t matter to the Americans. Apparently, I learn later, there are other events that draw in more of the female demographic, and NBC would rather showcase them. Poor Canada, most of America doesn’t give a rat’s ass for hockey and yet their national team is every bit as good as Canada’s.

Since the plight of their hockey team doesn’t really matter to Americans, why don’t we make a side deal (like figure-skating judges used to do as standard practice) where they agree to throw any hockey game against us. In exchange, we’ll cut them some slack when it comes to the curling competition. We can’t throw it utterly, because Canadians ACTUALLY CARE about curling, but we can spot them a few points. Is that what they’re called in curling? Points? Or do we spot them rocks? Or brooms? Here’s a few brooms America, we emptied out our closet just for you; now, can you PLEEZ let us win the hockey gold?

And if that doesn’t work, we can always ask the Prime Minister, a serious hockey fan, to call up Obama: “Hey Barack, if we commit to a couple of more years in Afghanistan....”