Surviving the War of 1812

Whew! We survived it.

Yes, the 200^th anniversary of the War of 1812 is finally finished. No more tv commercials of historical re-enactments. No more ads by the Canadian War Museum.  The government apparently spent upwards of 20 million dollars from those “hard working Canadian taxpayers” they so admire to advertise the anniversary of the war, er, I mean the great Canadian victory over the American invaders.  The question now becomes "what’s next?".

Deep in the halls of the conservative government, in a small, unknown department called the Program for Upping Canadian Konfidence (P.U.C.K., for short) bureaucrats are hard at work.  Well-funded but off the rink, er, I mean radar, PUCK is scouting for the next big thing to punch up Canadian nationalism to new heights.   With the Vancouver winter Olympics, the summer games and the anniversary of The War of 1812 all in the past, PUCK bureaucrats are suffering a drop in morale. They know how hard it is to inject testosterone into the mild-mannered body politic of Canada.

The Sochi Winter Games are coming but that’s not enough. As one source within PUCK put it, “we just can’t drag ourselves from one Olympics to the next to kick start Canadian pride. We need something else. The War of 1812 was a gold mine but that’s…hey, wait a minute. Wait just a minute. Gold mine? Gold,  Mining, Canada! When it comes to mining, we rock!” He quickly disappeared down the hall lined with portraits of CFL (Canadian Football League) stars.

A former Olympian who now works at PUCK complained of having to “continually oil the engine of Canadian patriotism. Why do we let other countries flex their muscles and throw sand in our face?” Then he mumbled, “Oil, oil…sand…hmm.”  Suddenly you could see his eyes light up, “Cenovus! They have it right. Our country IS spelled with a “can” and not a “can’t. The Oil Sands ARE Canadian tenacity!”  He positively ran down the hall, the one filled with portraits of actors who made it big in Hollywood, past a smiling Jim Carrey on the right opposite a roguish William Shatner as Captain Kirk (how’s that for a Canadian hero!),  and Lorne Greene in Bonanza opposite a young Michael J. Fox in Back to the Future where he proved that Canadians really can skateboard as well as any American, regardless of their acting talent.

So you brave band of northern peoples, it won’t be long now. Sooner rather than later, PUCK will find the net and bring us a moment of Canadian pride we can’t possibly avoid even if we wanted to. And that’s your tax dollars hard at work.

NOTE:To see a government advertisement promoting the War of 1812, go here:  The Fight for Canada
To see a debate on whether or not The War of 1812 was overhyped, go here: The War of 1812 Debate
To see Cenovus’s ad on the Oil Sands, go here: Cenovus Oil Sands Ad