Have a nice day...Canada-U.S. Hockey

Have A Nice Day
I’m staying at an upscale hotel in Manhattan. I’ve been getting a lot of “you have a great day, sir.” I don’t consider myself a “sir,” that’s a title reserved for the Paul MaCartneys and Sean Connery’s of the British Isles, and the weather has offered little more than a cold, grey rain. Still, what strikes me in this endless delivery of have a nice day and its variations—“you have yourself a great day sir, ” “make it a good one,” “have a terrific morning, sir”—is the earnestness behind them. The tone of voice is without a hint of irony or sarcasm, the look in the eye is direct and honest. Now I know it’s possible that everyone could simply be well-trained employees of the service industry and they’re all, in fact, worthy Oscar winners for conveying the belief that they really, REALLY want you to have a nice day, when they’re actually thinking “slip on the curb and get hit by a taxi, you f..in tourist,” but I don’t think that’s the case.

No, I think there’s something quintessentially American in this offering of wishes for your day. I don’t hear such earnestness in the Canadian service industry. A day is a day, and though we don’t at all wish each other ill, we don’t go out of the way to send out wishes that you exceed your daily allotted quotient of happiness and success either. Is it possible that the Americans, on the other hand, genuinely see each day as part of pursuing the dream of success? If you're staying with us in Manhattan, you’re obviously successful or you’re going to be successful or you’re planning to be successful, and in America, where everybody thinks you make your own success, of course we want you to have a remarkable day because, as Reagan liked to think, a rising tide lifts all boats, and if your ship comes in, our boat will benefit, my boat will benefit. Have a truly fantastic day, Sir, kick butt, bring home the bacon, hit it out of the park.


Canada-U.S Hockey
I drive down to the States the day Canada is going to play the U.S in hockey. I’m thinking how interesting it will be to watch the game on U.S. tv. I turn on NBC, who owns the right to broadcast the games and…NO game. It’s not on! The single biggest event of the Olympics so far, say Canadians, doesn’t matter to the Americans. Apparently, I learn later, there are other events that draw in more of the female demographic, and NBC would rather showcase them. Poor Canada, most of America doesn’t give a rat’s ass for hockey and yet their national team is every bit as good as Canada’s.

Since the plight of their hockey team doesn’t really matter to Americans, why don’t we make a side deal (like figure-skating judges used to do as standard practice) where they agree to throw any hockey game against us. In exchange, we’ll cut them some slack when it comes to the curling competition. We can’t throw it utterly, because Canadians ACTUALLY CARE about curling, but we can spot them a few points. Is that what they’re called in curling? Points? Or do we spot them rocks? Or brooms? Here’s a few brooms America, we emptied out our closet just for you; now, can you PLEEZ let us win the hockey gold?

And if that doesn’t work, we can always ask the Prime Minister, a serious hockey fan, to call up Obama: “Hey Barack, if we commit to a couple of more years in Afghanistan....”

The Drought Is Over!!!

What drought? You know, the one where Canada was the only country not to have won gold at its own games. Hadn’t you noticed the parched tongue of the nation? Hadn't you felt, these many years, the endless Canadian thirst that began at the Montreal Olympics and that was finally quenched when Alexandre Bilodeau won gold in Vancouver at the men’s Moguls. What? You haven’t! Shame on you.

I haven’t felt it either, but this kind of hyperbole is everywhere in the press. Canada seems to have invented a syndrome for itself, call it a flu—O3G0 (three Olympics with zero Golds)—and now it’s been cured. I don’t know anyone who actually felt the thirst or had the flu, but if you declare it loud and long enough, everyone starts thinking it must be real.

Canada is only too ready to believe reasons why it’s not worthy(see blog post of Feb. 13, 09). This "drought" was as good a reason as any to haul out so the nation could flog itself once again, but with the added bonus of having the potential to create more viewers: watch, as our national shame will be lifted right before your viewing eyes! Hallelujah…we once were lost, but now we’re found.

Canada Post, not to miss out on the occasion, is going to issue a stamp to commemorate the lifting of the burden. For the first time in its history, Canada Post is commemorating something on the day it occurred. That’s right, for the very first time in its history. Wow, that must have been one huge scarlet letter, one immense weight on the bent back of the nation. Never mind how Canada has treated its aboriginals, or the internment of the Japanese, we never earned gold at our own Olympics! Oh the shame, the despair.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful to appreciate sport for what it is, to simply admire Alexandre Bilodeau’s excellence, and leave it at that?

Canadians and the Tragedy in Haiti

Haiti has been a news story up here almost like no other. I suspect—though I have no research to support this—that it has received more coverage in Canada than the hurricane that devastated New Orleans, even more than the tsunami that swept away untold numbers in Southeast Asia.

The outpouring of concern, love, resources astounds me. The amount we have donated as citizens and as a government is extraordinary. We seem to have found an identity we have lost of late: global helpers, peacekeepers, good guys. There’s been some effort here, in the years we’ve been engaged in Afghanistan, to change Canadians self-image of their military from a bunch of blue helmeted U.N. supporters to a well-equipped and capable fighting force, but I sense it hasn’t fully taken hold. Canadians would much rather see their military as unequivocal do-gooders than mired in the morally confusing dust of Khandhar. The relief effort in Haiti allows Canadians to reclaim some of their good-guy mojo.

The attraction to supporting Haiti is natural for Canada. It is another French speaking land in the Americas. Canada, and particularly Quebec, has a large Haitian community. And perhaps, most importantly, at this particular moment in time, our head of state, Governor General Michaëlle-Jean, is Haitian. She has been an eloquent and emotional voice for the suffering of Haiti, unafraid to convey her deep empathy, as in this video of her singing a song of hope her mother taught her in Haiti: http://www.theglobeandmail.com/video/jeans-song-of-hope/%20article%201443391/.

One may have strong disagreements with her willingness to support Stephen Harper’s two requests to pro-rogue Parliament, but how can one not love her spirit? It is hard to imagine any U.S. President—or, for that matter, any other Governor General—willing to be so open-hearted and vulnerable with their feelings for the suffering of others. Bravo, Michaëlle-Jean.

Don't Ask, Don't Tell

Shhh, let’s all just pretend, can’t we, that we’re happy heteros in this barracks. Yes Sir, Sir! At ease, gentlemen.

That’s been the official policy in the U.S. Military towards gays since the days of Bill Clinton who, of course, had his own personal Don’t Tell policy. (There was a happy hetero!) But now, finally, eighteen years after Canada made homosexuality legal in its military, the U.S. is moving in that direction.

In Canada, gays and bisexuals can serve openly because, in 1992, a court declared that a ban violated the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms. Eight years later, a study from the University of California’s Palm Center did a study on the Canadian military to see the effects of that decision. Did the military fall apart? Was gay-bashing rampant? Hardly. The study was favourable, and had this as one of its key findings: Before Canada lifted its gay ban, a 1985 survey of 6,500 male soldiers found that 62% said that they would refuse to share showers, undress or sleep in the same room as a gay soldier. After the ban was lifted, follow-up studies found no increase in disciplinary, performance, recruitment, sexual misconduct, or resignation problems.

There was, in other words, no negative fall out from coming out. In battle, we’re all a band of brothers. This is not to imply Canada is fully enlightened. We’re not all flag-wavers for ending sexual discrimination, but let's gloat a wee bit, shall we, for being ahead of the States. Now, if only we can make a dent in that last bastion of don’t ask, don’t tell, don’t even think about it: The National Hockey League.