Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Ted and Dolores and a Nation of Lawbreakers


I’ve just returned from Boston, not the easiest city for drivers, but at least the speed limits around it make sense. Speed limits are the one Canadian law I face every day, usually in the mode of a transgression, which is easy in Canada given that speed limits are set everywhere in the country by one Ted and Dolores Kunkel of Minerva, Manitoba.

Ted is now 82 and still drives around with his bowler hat on and Dolores, two years his senior, sits beside him. Mostly she tells him to slow down, but since Ted’s hearing has been failing of late, a quick elbow to his side works best. Every year Ted and Dolores receive a stipend from Transport Canada to drive around a region of the country in their old Ford Fairlane and see if new limits should be set.

I’ve been noticing that as Ted and Dolores have been getting older, speed limits have been getting lower. It’s particularly noticeable when one drives to the States and then returns to Canada. Many of the U.S. highways have posted limits of 65 mph and you rarely see anybody going over 75 mph. Up here they’re posted at 100km/h and—wouldn’t you know it—mild-mannered Canadians have little choice but to become a nation of law breakers, rogues and rebels. Truth be told, it seems we’ve even paid off the provincial police who don’t give a lick until the speedometer passes 120km/h. Yessirree, it’s not even that uncommon to see mild-mannered Canadian folk blasting down the 401 at 140km/h.

This sad state of affairs—setting speed limits so low that the entire nation is composed of criminals—extends to suburban streets. Sometimes out on the more rural roads, they get it right, but that’s only because it wasn’t on Ted and Dolores’s itinerary. What’s to be done? Apart from having Transport Canada throw a big retirement party for the Kunkels, why don’t we create a movement to set speed limits designed for the rest of us? Post the speed limit on the 401 at 120km/h—or 130 for that matter—and then, by golly, enforce it. In a matter of days, the number of lawbreakers in the country would be cut in half! A statistic any law-and-order party would be only too happy to crow about.

Note: Yes, yes, I know speed limits do not fall under federal jurisdiction, but creating a fictitious couple for every province seemed like an unnecessary expenditure of energy. The Canadian federation may be inefficient, but when you write, you get to pretend it isn’t. If that’s not an incentive to write, what is?

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